You should be with us. Feeling like we do.

Los Angeles Santa Barbara, I’m yours.

Tonight we went to dinner at this beautiful restaurant. We sat on the patio overlooking the pool, near the aviary with tropical birds. The food was delicious and exotic and as the sun set they lit the room with hundreds of little Christmas lights stung around the ceiling beams and pillars. It was just lovely. They were playing this great music that I said sounded like Sinatra but no one agreed with me, then they started playing a different cd and I was like oh oh this is Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman! (I know, cuz I have the cd) so I went to go ask the bartender who confirmed that the previous one was in fact Frank Sinatra. So there! Haha in your face! Whew ok I’m done. :)

Afterwards the smell of the ocean called to me, the moon low slung and orange. I went and walked along Cabrillo, wandered into a drum circle of sorts, people gathered along the water playing instruments in the dark, little children running around. The moon was so huge you could see the face in it.

What else? I've met some more of my favorite authors lately. Francesca Lia Block finally, after all these years. Talking to her about Todd Haynes was fantastic. Aimee Bender was quite normal in person, which was a slight disappointment. I asked her if she had read Steve Martin’s the Pleasure of My Own Company, which she had not. I told her that I think the protagonist of that book and Mona Blue Green Gray should hang out. (A character from her novel.)

I am simultaneously in love with and envious of Hollywood lesbians. I see these waifish perfect beatnik trendy beauties holding hands and I want them. I want to be them. Tonight I saw this gorgeous interracial couple dining. I just wanted to pull up my chair to their table and stare at them both.
I want to be invisible so that I can observe everyone uninterrupted. I should read L’enfer by Henri Barbusse again...

Last night I watched Natural Born Killers again. I had forgotten what a tremendous movie that was. The fact that someone thought of all those camera angles, the lighting, the montage of images playing in rapid succession, the corresponding music choices. It all just floors me. I mean that’s what I want to be doing. I want to work with people of that caliber; with minds that are so beautiful and intricate and brilliant.

I am wasting away at my current job. It's killing me. I cannot believe that September is almost upon us.

I need to stop procrastinating and get together with certain people. Kate, Crystal, I’m looking in your general directions. You too, Chris.

My to-do list is never ending.